1. Tap a square. The relevant clue will present itself below.
2. Tap the square again to turn — Across becomes Down, as in life.
3. Type with the keys provided. Correct letters advance you; the puzzle does not announce which letters are correct. That would be vulgar.
4. Complete every square correctly and the puzzle will concede.
ON ASSISTANCE
5. CHECK will mark your errors, with regret.
6. REVEAL SQUARE will surrender one letter.
7. Assistance is permitted. Assistance is noted. Assistance is remembered in your permanent file.
8. The timer is for your own reflection. We do not look at it. We simply keep it.
ON POLITE MODE
9. Engage the gilded switch and every clue will be rewritten with the utmost delicacy.
10. The answers remain filth. Politeness is a costume; the Editors have never once been fooled by it.
11. A new puzzle is set weekly. Filth, like wine, must not be rushed.
A NOTE ON STANDARDS — Every answer in this publication is profanity, euphemism, bodily function, or obscure historical vulgarity, treated with the dignity of a museum plaque. Persons offended are invited to consult a dictionary, where considerably worse awaits alphabetized.